Burgeoning Cups and the Timid Drinker

It's Wednesday February 1oth, 7:00 pm

It's been another slow day struggle. We continue to receive news concerning how low my platelets are. This being the case, we're dialoguing some options to boost the count. That being said, I am hoping that some of these other options do the trick and we can move forward. At this point, I'm struggling to divide the worry I have between two burgeoning cups of uncertainty: leukemia and the bleeding. I realized that I can't feed both of these vague concepts with my tense time and dissipating energy. I have to focus on one, while sidelining the other. Bleeding is the most imminent concern. So, my positive energy is reserved for that.

With so much time on my mind, I think about these issues in literary terms and analogies. I suppose my mind has been molded that way through class, writing/reading, or maybe genetic predisposition. I'm not sure. At any rate, I remembered the punishment of King Sisyphus. The Greek king, destined to roll a rock up a hill in Tartarus only to watch it roll back down as soon he reached the zenith. Much of my process shares this motif. To that end, I thought of a song by Wilco:

I was maimed by rock and roll.
I was tamed by rock and roll.
I got my name from rock and roll.

I appreciate a dash of irony and a good pun every now and again. If there was something I needed today, it was this. It's hokey, but for those of you who know me, this isn't the first instance in which this phrase applies. I have to take this in stride, uncover patience for whatever my vague and distant future will hold.

I have to stick with what I know:
1.) I will beat this
2.) I have an amazing support group
3.) Reading and writing are helping
4.) Hope isn't something I can lose, just misplace.
5.) If looking heroine chic is still cool, than my left arm is the king of the scene.

So, we stick to the certainties, because they'll grow everyday. I need to plant this in my mind, keep this rooted and remember it's the things that I've set in stone that will be the landmarks on this adventure.

Today's weary amble through uncertainties and vagueness made one thing clear: it has been a day, for good or ill. They all can't be good ones, and I have to salvage what I can from the bad. I have to realize that there's a reason we must endure the darkness, if only to realize what it means to be within the light.

All my love,

Chris