City by the Lake

It's Friday Febraury 12, 9:12 am.

Preliminary thoughts: I'm sorry that I didn't write yesterday, but time drizzled from the clock faster than usual. The two nights prior didn't afford much sleep due to transfusions and blood draws. I can't complain for lack of sleep, it certainly makes the flood of doctor lingo more humorous.

Anyhow, we've got some updates! Let's start with the bones of the matter. I've been moved to another room! (UPMC Shady Side Room 710) This one is quite a bit larger and more accommodating to my ever-amassing pile of goodies. Being from out of town, it seems that my visitors come in groups rather than one by one, which has always been amazing for me, but previously uncomfortable for them. No longer! Chairs for all, I say! We seem to have plenty. It's encouraging to see them, knowing that there are beautiful people to fill their spaces.

Yesterday, we tried a new procedure to help with the platelet matter. It's called IVIG (Intravenous Immunoglobulin). I might have mentioned it. It's supposed to bolster my immune system in a big way, and in doing so will slow the decay (or destruction) of my platelets. Hmm, let's shoot for a for instance. For instance, I was getting platelets transfused in a big way for the last few days, but even when my platelets ascended beyond 10,000, they would drop rapidly (within a few hours) back to 5,000. After the IVIG and some quick moving platelets last night, they bumped to 15,000. After some sleep and a hearty breakfast of Honey Nut Cheerios, my platelets have only dropped to 12,000. This is pretty big, at least for me. It doesn't mean that my platelets aren't dropping, but not like before.

We'll see where this treatment goes, but we go on as usual: building our ground before we take our steps.

I was wheeled off from my room for a while; a nice break in the monotony of white sheets and re-run TV. I tried to take stock of everything: the carpet's burgundy blaze like tipped red wine from a dinner table; the fluorescent lights as they popped in a slow hiss of decay and degradation; the floral wallpaper's pastel smear (the same I've seen since birth in dentist's and doctor's offices, but altogether unique for me here). I could feel the right-hand pull from the gurney's gray and white wheels, like a crooked shopping cart that squiggles down each aisle, fighting your forearm's strain to keep it in line.

The point being, each of these lightning images took me miles from this hospital bed, these needles, tubes and tape. I wanted to run my fingers from the gurney to the fibers of the carpet, to feel if they were still wet from wine. I wanted that forearm sting, the tight struggle from black wheels grating against linoleum. Even the smallest inconveniences seem so vivid in my memory. They're the moments of outside life that I miss the most today, among others.

I'm not trying to suggest that everyone embrace the little inconveniences in life, because of their supposed beauty. That's ridiculous. I just know that my memory is what keeps me beyond these walls and the windows. I don't want to forget anything, most importantly the least important things. Don't forget the bending birch peppered in black birds, or the blinking lights of a wheezing city by the lake. I'll be back soon enough. Soon enough.

All my hope, love and patience,

Chris

***A Rapid and Triumphant Update***

My platelets have bounced up to 28,000 from their previous 12,000 this morning. This is another one of those victories. I'll be sucking the marrow (har har) from this success for a while. We are going to put a PICC line in tonight, which will give them a port for chemo and blood, without having to stick me with needles. Like I said, victory indeed. We aren't through this wood yet, but are pressing on through the braids of branches and vines until we find our next spot of camp. Thank you, everyone, thank you for keeping me in this fight. All paths eventually clear for a moment. This is ours, for now! Happy Friday, Happy Weekend!

All my deepest love,

Chris