Today has had its ups and downs. Certainly not the first day to be like that, and it won't be the last. I've been running fevers since yesterday and have been blessed with the chills that precede them. The good thing about the chills, if there is one, is that they give me heated blankets. If you've ever been cold and hit with a heat blanket, then you can relate. It's a beautiful thing. It would be great if I didn't peak a fever right after the chills. Oh well, they tell it's normal with my blood count to have fevers and such. Just uncomfortable I suppose.
Enough of that negativity!
I had awesome visitors last night and this afternoon. Some really great people came in and lifted my spirits. Just to be able to speak with friends face to face is great. Laughing has become such incredible feeling. It's strange. I cherish every chuckle, I suppose. Not to sound too corny. I've said it a lot (broken record), but I am so grateful to have these people around me. I love you all.
So, the game plan (as of now) is to start chemo tomorrow regardless of my platelet counts. They will administer it through my IV, which will hopefully attack all the leukemia cells and allow my body to produce its own platelets. When that happens, I'll be able to go to the OR for my metaport and do my spinal tap/intrathecal chemo. They have to do spinal chemo and IV chemo at separate times, because the IV chemo can't pass the blood-brain barrier. I know it sounds tremendously unpleasant, but the intrathecal (spinal) chemo will bump my survival chances up by about 40%. I'm excited and mortified, stoked and scared, ready and reluctant to begin my chemotherapy. It will be an adventure for sure.
I think of Dante, lost in a dark wood, circled by his beasts before he's taken to Hell. Is it more terrifying to anticipate or participate? I'm not certain at this point, but am ready to descend, to make way my adventure. They shouted to Dante, "Abandon all hope, ye who enter." But he made it as Virgil guided him. I feel like I am Dante, and those around me are my Virgil. You may have to carry me, at times, but ultimately we'll make it through.
All my love, my thoughts, and my wishes,
Chris
P.S. Go Saints? Who knows. Not the Steelers.
***Update***
I have officially started chemo. At about 11:30 pm we started the injections via IV. This takes a little longer to issue, but works the same as a metaport. We have started down the road, be it the walk through hell. I will defeat this. I will overcome and maintain. And I will do it with courage, tenacity, vigor, and intensity endowed by all my loved ones.
Qui si convien lasciare ogne sospetto;
ogne viltà convien che qui sia morta.
- Here one must leave behind all hesistation;
here every cowardice must meet its death
All my love,
Chris
In these dark and snowy times, all I can think of is Robert Frost...
ReplyDeleteWho's woods these are I think I know
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
Driving back from the show Friday night was straight out of a movie. It looked like a combination of The Mist and The Road. I said we should film some and call it The Snow. Breaking traffic laws had its charm, however... going through red lights at 2mph. Sweet. My poor camry somehow made it most of the journey only to crap out at the very end of Ed's street.
And that brings me to my next point.. we were planning on visiting today, but we just got my car dug out about 10 minutes ago. It took about 20 just to get it to start. My car, like me, doesn't like the snow too much. I'll be in on Thursday, so if Chemo is treating you as well as we all hope, then maybe Ed and I will be able to make it down.
Good luck with everything this week, I hope your platelets realize that cannibalism is not the way, and become buddy buddy with the new guys. Here's to chemo! Talk to you later
Becky
Speaking of The Inferno, it will be coming down with me on Tuesday. Along with other books that the girls from work got for you. Tina offered to lend you her Twilight series which means that she thinks very highly of you because she doesn't part with those books for just anyone. She said it would be good because you could relate to Bella when she has to drink blood in the 4th book haha. God love her.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear your chills still haven't gone away. I bet these super anti-biotics they have you on will help though. There's going to be a breakthrough soon, I just know it. I think this evil disease is beginning to realize that it can't break you, it sees what it's up against and it's going to start running scared. Remember what Katie said about the visualization-think epic battle between the good and bad cells as Coheed plays in the background. And of course there's always good old fashioned prayer. This leukemia BS is no match for you!
I love you and miss you tremendously! Keep fighting the good fight!
<3 Rach
Hi Chris, Yes...heated blankets...I have had the pleasure many times. They are awesome. My sister told me the other night she just throws a cotton blanket in the dryer and tada! a heated blanket! I always knew she was smarter than me. Hopefully, you won't be bothered by them so much now. Glad they got the chemo started. Continuing to pray that the flying monkeys leave you alone on your trek on the yellow brick road. Those darn little things anyway!! LOL. I don't have much for reading selections. You see, when I was a kid they didn't know about reading issues and just thought I couldn't/didn't want to comprehend. NOT SO. I know that now and the only problem is that I HATE TO READ. I can usually get through a magazine article, but a book or book series no way. I will cook, bake or sew thanks!! Continue to hang in there. I am praying for you and the family. God bless. Much love, Kim
ReplyDeleteThe Divine Comedy is your perfect text. As a poem, it is inexhaustible. As a source of wisdom, it's deep enough to offer what you need. And some sex and demonic violence to keep things interesting....
ReplyDelete